Hello, Dark Hearts,
I’ve had some anxious clients of late and it’s gotten me thinking about the issue of why we micromanage and what it really is we are trying to control when we seek to regulate the progression and outcome of a spell.
It’s also important that I state that this article applies to non-emergency spells. I tend to only rush protection spells or unbindings because my client or someone they know is in an unsafe or vulnerable situation. This article is meant to speak generally to those getting love spells or self-improvement spells.
I want to affirm that it’s okay to feel anxious and to ask questions. I work hard to give my clients an estimate of when I’m likely to go ahead with a spell or reading, but I don’t like saying the exact date. Why? Because of the way my energy flows. I need to get myself into the right mental and energetic space to hear my intuition well enough for readings and spells. So, as you can imagine this process is hard to set a watch to. I'm also a slow consumption business, which means I value quality over quantity and I don't rush spells unless there are dire circumstances involved.
· Spells take 1-3 weeks from start to finish (from payment to final report).
· Tarot takes 1-2 weeks depending on my schedule.
If you’re feeling anxious and don’t feel you know enough about what’s going on, you can email me. But I also encourage you to refer back to my resources such as my e-book and my other blog posts. It’s important to be able to self soothe when we are anxious or struggling with uncertainty. Something wanting to know a lot of detail about how things will progress is totally fine, and I will make sure to always be transparent. But at other times we're actually struggling with the uncertainty and mystery that is involved in magic and in life.
Magic doesn’t have to stay a mystery. Check out my Witch 101 page for books I recommend on the topic of magic. I’ve also written a bit about how magic works and my process so you can understand it intellectually and emotionally. I encourage you to get curious and ask questions.
There are some of you though who might be struggling with the uncertainty that is before you. Will the spell work? Will my ex come back? What day is everything happening? When will I see results? I answer these questions here and here. Do give these blog posts a read. You should be able to ask these questions and I will endeavor to answer them.
But when anxiety drives these questions rather than curiosity, we’re in different territory. That’s when we can fall into a habit of micromanaging and wanting to know every detail of our spell service. And that's when knowing the "answers" doesn’t satisfy, and we still feel anxious, so we keep asking. But it doesn’t seem to help. That’s because we’re struggling with the way that spells, not just life, are unknowable in many ways.
Work on getting comfortable with the fact that even with multiple tarot readings and wax divination sessions, we can’t fully know the future, it isn’t set, and everything isn’t in our control. Try not to “fix” your anxiety by controlling the progression of the spell. Because the mysteries before you won't always become opaque; your anxiety is what can be transformed. You can work on self-soothing by doing things like:
· Acupuncture or reiki
· Reading books on philosophy and/or relationships. What do you consciously or unconsciously believe about life and intimacy?
· Work your anxiety out with physical activity (gardening, a walk, stretching)
· Seeing your therapist or talking to a trusted friend.
You might struggle to sit down and read the resources I have given you because you feel too anxious. Try the above self-soothing techniques or do some research on other types of self-soothing/stress relief techniques so you can work out what works for you. If you’re able to bring down your level of anxiety, then it becomes easier to engage with your thoughts and beliefs. It is key to be able to get down to this level so that you can look at the deeper issues that might be unsettling you.
When we try to “fix” the situation to make ourselves feel less anxious it can look like the following and create a scenario where we are controlling the magical process unnecessarily.
· Repeatedly asking what day the spell is going to happen.
· Repeated requests or suggestions that I do the spell sooner because you’re excited or anxious (even though the timeline/dates have already been set).
· Messaging me on multiple platforms to get me to reply sooner.
· Emails or messages every day or multiple times a week to check the progress of the spell.
· Multiple questions about how certain I am about the tarot reading/wax divination.
· Repeated questions about how likely the spell is to manifest in the way you desire.
Sometimes we need to change things in our context because something is off, but in the case of spell work, I encourage you to seek out your worries (will the spell work? Will my ex reject me?) and work with them yourself. Face them and work with a therapist or a self-help workbook on your fears. You can alternate between distraction, self-soothing and facing these worries so that you’re not overwhelmed and can make progress.
It’s hard when things like rejection issues and fears lie under our anxiety about how the spell is going to go. But focusing on controlling the spell won’t make your anxiety truly subside. Besides, we strangle the energy of a spell by obsessing over it and demanding that it manifest in the exact way we hope for. We can't control factors in and outside our world through anxiety alone.
So as best you can, seek out activities that are going to lower your stress levels and work with the underlying fears around uncertainly if you're finding yourself prone to any of the above behaviours that control or strangle a spell's energy. It will help you cope with the process of getting a spell and help me do your spell with the lest energetic interference.